If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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