I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
