apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
