we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
