The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
