I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My vagina just clenched in fear
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
