she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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