You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
