he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
