On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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