she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
