I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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