I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
