I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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