when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
