Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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