I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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