I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
