You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
