I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize