We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
