You really coming over, don't trick.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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