@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
