I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
