Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
