Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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