remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
your room smells of hookers.
And success
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
