Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
