Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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