flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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