just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
