i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
