Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
