real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
