just survived the first fart of the relationship.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am available for nakedness
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
