How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
