we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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