I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
