Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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