I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
