She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize