I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I understand Curling. That high.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
