so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
