My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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