she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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