theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
