In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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