We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
They took my balls.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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