Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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