Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
