just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
