That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
