dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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