My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
