Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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