My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
