im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize