Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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